I'm holding back fearfully dreading what I will find if I'd just let go. I'm holding back, on everything, because that is what I have learnt, because it's all I know and because I fear you won't like what I might become.
I'm holding back because everything else would be like falling. Forever.
I holding back, because if I don't, I will overflow. There's a flood wave waiting to be released and a light dance following its path. And holding back is my wall, my fortress, my levee. It’s a shield protecting the man I have grown to know from the slaying sword of the man I was born to be.
I'm holding back - not because a of fear dying - but because my fear of being reborn.